Staying Strong
by Psychlinite
Summary: What if the car accident in True Grits had been worse? When Juliet has trouble breathing, an X-Ray shows something a little more serious than anyone could have imagined. How will Juliet be able to stay strong through everything that is thrown at her? SHULES! Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1: Breathe

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters! They all belong to the genius mind of Steve Franks!

Also: The first lines are a direct quote that was written by Steve Franks, Andy Berman, Kelly Kulchak, and the other writers of Psych- I do not own the dialogue or the events!

Breathe

"Hey Jules. What's Up?"

"Hey Shawn. Great news. We got Carl. Yeah, he's been a slippery one but we finally got him. I'll you in as soon as we get- AHHH!"

Juliet looked over and saw a red pickup speeding towards the. She braced herself for the crash knowing it was too close for her to get out of the way. So did Lassiter.

In a split second, everything went silent. Lassiter looked back and saw someone in a black hood open up the back door and grab Carl to pull him out of the car. He was about to do something when he noticed something a little more concerning- there was his partner looking up at him with a certain helplessness in her eyes. She was leaning back in her seat trying to catch her breath.

"Carlton!" She gasped, "Help!"

"Jasmine! Call 911! Now!"

* * *

Shawn pulled up to the crash just as he saw Juliet being lifted into the ambulance.

"What happened?!" He yelled at Lassiter as he walked over to him.

"Someone is really trying to cover something up! They hit us from the side and pulled Carl-"

"To Juliet!" Shawn interrupted.

"She was sitting close to the steering wheel so when the airbag went off it hit her hard in the chest. She's fine- they are taking her to the hospital to make sure that nothing is broken..."

Shawn had already run over to the stretcher. "Jules!"

"Shawn?"

"Yes, it's me. Are you ok?"

"Shawn- I can't breathe"

"It's going to be ok- I promise"

"Please come with me"

"Ok." He got into the back of the ambulance behind her and sat on the corner bench holding her hand.

"It's going to be ok..." Shawn kept saying under his breath.

They finally got to the hospital and pulled Juliet out of the ambulance and rolled her into the emergency room. Shawn went to follow, but was redirected to a waiting room. When he got there, he saw Lassiter, Gus, and Chief already sitting there

"How is she doing?" Gus asked standing up to give Shawn his seat which he gratefully accepted and buried his head in his hands.

"She was really having trouble." Shawn said with a sigh. He was so worried. He really did love here and he didn't want anything to happen to her.

"Carlton- what happened?" Chief asked.

"Well," Lassiter said, "we were driving Carl and Jasmine back to the station and someone ran a stop sign and after hitting us grabbed Carl out of O'Hara's car, leaving us at the scene. Jasmine is at the station right now for questioning."

"I'll tell McNabb to look into it," Chief said and walked away to call the station.

"The family of Juliet O'Hara," said a doctor with a clipboard. Shawn, Gus and Lassiter all stood up, but after a quick exchange in glances, Gus and Lassiter sat back down. "Ok, come with me."

Shawn silently followed the doctor down a long hall with rooms on each side. Finally the doctor stopped at a room and let himself in.

"Jules!" Shawn said running next to her. He was so relieved to see her ok, but he quickly came back to reality. She looked awful. There was an IV coming out of her left arm and scratches all over her face. Her curls layer untouched by her side though, and Shawn couldn't help but stroke them knowing they whatever was wrong, they seemed to be the only thing whole.

"Well," the doctor said looking through papers on his clipboard, "There is good news and there is bad news."

Shawn felt Juliet's hand tighten around his at the mention of bad news.

"The good news is that your ribs are not broken, nor was any harm done to your body because of the accident. The bad news is that... you have breast cancer."


	2. Chapter 2: Blessing in Disguise

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters! They all belong to the genius mind of Steve Franks!

Juliet's heart stopped. She couldn't breathe. Cancer? She blinked away tears. 'You are not going to cry, you are not going to cry' she kept repeating to herself.

"Breast cancer?" Shawn said as he squeezed Juliet's hand tighter.

"Yes. It showed up on the X-Ray..." He pulled out a black picture from his papers and put it up against the viewing box. "If you look here you can see that your ribs are perfectly intact, but if you look right here on your chest the large white spot. That is most likely a breast cancer tumor"

Juliet just stared at the spot where his pen was hovering. That was her body with that tumor inside of her. How? Nobody in her family had ever had it. Why did she get it?

Now it was Shawn's turn to hold back tears. Why Juliet? She was the greatest girl he ever knew and his whole world. Why was she the one to get it? He knew she was strong, but he had heard the stories, and he knew there was nothing easy about this.

"Would you like me to bring in everyone else?" The doctor asked beckoning down the hall.

Juliet just nodded. He walked out a closed the door behind him.

"Shawn?" Juliet asked trying, and failing, at making her breath sound stable.

"Yes Jules?" Shawn was just now taking his head out of his hands.

"What am I going to do?"

"_We're_ going to fight," he squeezed her hand. "I care about you so much and there is no way I'm letting you do this alone"

"Thank you Shawn"

They stopped talking and looked up to Lassiter, Gus and Chief Vick walking in.

"Juliet!" Lassiter said running in.

Everyone looked up at him. He never called her by her first name. Juliet was especially taken aback.

"What did the doctor say?" Gus asked trying to brush over the sudden awkwardness.

Juliet looked at Shawn. She couldn't bring herself to say it. She thought that maybe if she didn't say it, it wouldn't be real and she would just wake up and everything would be ok.

"She... uh..." Shawn stuttered, not knowing how to say it. "She has breast cancer."

The room got silent. There was a faint buzz coming from Juliet's IV machine, but that was it.

Chief couldn't believe it. How could this be happening again?

Suddenly, Chief's phone started ringing breaking the silence. "Yes... ok... ok... good... you know where to find me." She hung up her phone.

"Well, that was McNabb, and they found Carl"

"That low life scum su-" Lassiter started to say. He was mad! All he could think about was his partner was laying on a hospital bed having just received devastating news, and it was all his fault! It wasn't fair! Juliet was like his little sister. He actually saw her more and was almost closer to her than he was Lou-Lou.

"Carlton!" Chief exclaimed cutting him off. "This isn't Carl's fault!"

"If anything, we should be grateful for him." Gus said.

"What could possibly lead you to that reasoning?" Lassiter asked.

"Well, if you guys hadn't gotten hit, Juliet wouldn't have had trouble breathing, and they wouldn't have done the x-ray finding... it..." Gus said. "You could almost say you were lucky to get in that crash."

"I'm sorry!" Juliet said suddenly.

"Wait... what?" asked chief.

"I'm sorry! It's my fault that you guys are here right now! You shouldn't have to be in the hospital, and it is my fault that you guys now have this to think about. You shouldn't need to be worried about me!"

"Oh, Juliet!" Chief said "there's nothing to be sorry about! This could happen to anyone, and it is not your fault at all!"

"Juliet," Gus said, "Cancer is just a course of nature, and there is nothing you can do about it"

"Please don't feel bad about it!" Chief added.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse came in.

"Visiting hours are over, but you can come back tomorrow." Then she turned to Juliet. "The doctor has scheduled for you to stay here over night, then have an MRI in the morning to see what's what."

Juliet felt suddenly terrified. She was going to have to stay here all night, alone. "Can… Shawn stay?"

"Of course he may." Said the nurse. "He will just need to come get authorized. We'll be back in about 15 minutes."

"Have a nice night Juliet." Gus said as they all filed out of the room.

"We'll come back when you are done with your MRI." Chief said.

"Shawn, can I talk to you for a minute?" Gus said pulling him aside once they were out in the hall. "Shawn, tell me how I can help you, because I have known you since we were 5 and the most serious thing you have ever dealt with was the death of your lizard when you were 12."

"Gus, I don't know what to do." Shawn said. "I'm going to have to be strong for her, but I have no idea how. Juliet is so strong and can deal with anything, and I'm not, yet I'm going to have to be the strong one."

"Listen, Shawn, this is going to be hard on everyone, especially Juliet. There is no way around it. Life sucks, and all we can do is pull through. Besides, we'll all be here as often as we can. You won't be doing this alone. I can promise you that."

"Thanks… So, I guess I will see you tomorrow?"

"Bright and early"

* * *

Juliet sat alone in her room. She listened to the faint buzz and beeps of her room. She was alone now, which she realized that she really needed at the moment. She needed a minute to think about what was happening.

_I can't have cancer!_ She thought. _Cancer is for other people, not me. Isn't cancer just supposed to be a story that you hear about?_

No one in her family had ever gotten cancer, so why her?

She felt a tear run down her cheek but she quickly wiped it away. She was not going to cry! If she cried, she would be letting it win and she was not going to do that!

The door opened back up and Shawn walked back in wearing a white bracelet.

"All set!" He said forcing a smile. "Where should I sleep?" He said, this time with a real and playful grin.

"I don't know!" Juliet said playing on. "Gee, its kinda cold in here!"

Shawn slipped next to Juliet in the hospital bed. She rested her head on his chest and smiled up at him.

"Good night Jules" Shawn said giving her a kiss.

"Good night Shawn" Juliet replied just before going to sleep.

* * *

**Tell me what you think! The next chapter will probably be a lot shorter... but I hope you liked the long one!**


	3. Chapter 3: Small Spaces

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Psych or any of the characters! That belongs to Steve Franks and all the other awesome Psych peps!

**A/N:** I know I said this would be a short chapter, but apparently the field of plot bunnies in my head thought otherwise!

Juliet's eyes snapped open in the morning. She felt a sudden panic when she looked around. Then the day before came rushing to her and she fell back into her bed and Shawn's chest.

"Jules?" Shawn said sucking in his breath. She had forgotten he was sleeping there.

"Sorry!" She said. "Um, what time is it?"

Shawn turned over to look at the clock. "Um… about 8:30. Oh, and the doctor came in a bit ago- said that your MRI is at 10:00."

Juliet's stomach turned over. She lay back down on Shawn's chest and started to breathe a little heavier.

"Listen to me," Shawn tilted her head so he could look at her face. "You are a strong and brave and a beautiful person, and no matter what happens, know that I will be here to help you through it all."

Juliet smiled as he gave her a kiss.

* * *

10:00 came way too soon, and before she knew it, Juliet was getting into a different gown and take off her little earrings from the day before.

"If you could wait in the waiting room down the hall, we will call you in in an hour or two when she has finished." The nurse said to Shawn pointing him down the hall.

He gave Juliet a quick kiss on the forehead and brushed away her bangs before walking down the hall. The walk down the hall seemed like a mile, but he finally got to the door to the small waiting room. He opened it up and saw Gus sitting in the waiting room reading one of his pharmaceutical books. He quickly stood up when he saw Shawn enter.

"How is she?" Gus asked.

"Well, she is trying not to show emotion, but I can tell that she's scared…" his voice trailed off and he dropped into the seat.

"And how are you?" Gus asked sitting back down next to him.

"I'm worried."

"You should be, but listen, it will all be ok. No matter what happens you and Juliet are going to make it through this with each other."

* * *

Juliet was terrified. She really didn't know much about an MRI, other than the fact that you are in a very small tube and you can't move. She was still thinking about it when the nurse came in and asked her to take off any jewelry or metal that she was wearing, and change into a different gown. As slowly as she could, she pulled the beret out of her hair, then pulled out her earrings. She changed into the other gown, then sat down on the edge of her bed.

"You ready to go?" the nurse asked smiling.

"Ready as I'll ever be" Juliet muttered under her breath as she got up to follow the nurse.

When they got to a little room at the end of a hall, the nurse opened the door. There was a hospital bed with a blanket on it and a white tube like thing in the corner. Just looking at it made her shudder. That tube did not look very big, and she was going to have to lay in it for an hour.

"If you could just lay down right here." The nurse said pointing to the bed.

Juliet walked over to the bed to lie down. She carefully put her head on the pillow, and pulled the blanket over her.

"Ok," said the nurse, "we are going to push you in, and you will hear some clicking sounds. You will get music to distract you, and all you have to do is lay there and don't move.

She handed Juliet some head phones which she put into her ear.

"You ready?" asked the nurse picking up a remote on the side of her bed.

"I guess so," Juliet replied.

"Oh, and one more thing- you might want to close your eyes."

Juliet's eyes snapped shut, and she heard the bed start to move. She tried to focus, or even calm her mind down, but she couldn't.

_I am not scared! I'm going to be fine. Right? People have gotten cancer before. I'm not the first person._

_I might not even have cancer. The doctor said it was most likely a tumor, but that isn't definite. What if it was just a spot on the X-ray machine? It could have just been some dust…_

She knew she was kidding herself, but what else could she do? She had never felt like this before.

_I can fight this… right? I'm strong. _She thought back to one of her writing classes that she had taken in college. The term paper had been on a quote by Bob Marley. "You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option."

_That sounds about right… wait… what if I'm not strong? What if I lose or can't fight._

_No! I'm not going to give in! I'm better than that! Stronger._

_And I have people who care about me… right?_

She thought back to the conversation that she had had with Shawn that morning. How he kept on smoothing down her hair and kissing her on the forehead. Then she thought about everything that he had said to her. He kept on telling her that it would be ok and he would be right by her side the whole time.

_I'll be fine! I'm going to fight, and I'm going to win, and I'm not going to cry._

And with that, she was finally able to calm her mind, and listen to the music until the whole thing was over.

* * *

Shawn and Gus were talking in the waiting room when the doors opened.

"Lassie, Chief! What are you guys doing here?" Shawn asked looking up.

"We wanted to see how O'Hara was doing after the MRI," Lassiter said, "Is she out?"

"She's been in there for about an hour and a half, so she should be out any minute now."

Lassiter sat down across from Gus and picked up a magazine, but Chief remained standing.

"Shawn- a word" Chief said beckoning outside.

Shawn stood up and followed her.

"Shawn, did you see the white spot on the x-ray?" Chief said to Shawn when they got to the hall on the other side of the waiting room.

"Um… ya, why?"

"They told Juliet that might not be cancer. That is why they are taking an MRI right now, but there is no way that that wasn't something. Even if it wasn't breast cancer, there is no way that that wasn't some kind of tumor that they are going to need to get rid of, and frankly, it is going to be tough- for Juliet and everyone who cares about her- like you."

"I know!" Shawn cried in frustration, "But I don't know what to do! I mean, I can only help so much."

"I am going to tell you something that I haven't told anyone at the station before."

"Ok…" Shawn said, his voice trailing off. He had no idea what she was about to say, but with the way she was talking, he was getting worried.

"You know how when my sister was in town, you asked if there was something in specific that really made us not like each other...?"

"Uhhh... yeah..." Shawn said. He didn't know where she was going with this, and he was starting to get nervous.

"Well, there was sort of something that really broke the already weak... bond..."

"Ok..."

"Uh... me and Barbra have another younger sister, Laura."

"Ok..." Shawn didn't exactly know what she was about to say, but he was beginning to get a pretty good idea.

"8 years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer- stage 4." Chief said, folding her hands across her chest. "Listen, it was hard for all of us- it nearly tore our family apart."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Shawn, she had cancer for 18 long months, but she's ok now. O'Hara is going to hurt, and she is going to fight, and there are going to be points when both of you feel like giving up, but it will pass. You'll make it through, it will go away, and just remember to show her that she's never alone."

"What if I can't be there for her? I have no idea how to help her with something this, you know, serious..."

"Just know, sometimes all she will need is for you to hold her hand, or tell her it will be ok. Of course, there will be times when she is actually hurt, but try not to make a big deal of things. Tell her you're there for her, no matter what."

Shawn was about to say something else when Gus ran through the door.

"The nurse just came in and said the Juliet is ready."

With one last look at Chief, Shawn raced back through the waiting room and down the hall to catch up with Lassiter who was following the nurse.

When he got to Juliet's room, he saw her back in her clothes from the day before, fixing the buttons on her jacket.

"The doctor said that she is fine to go home for now, and we will probably call you in two or three days with the results from the MRI." The nurse said with a kind smile. "And until then you are free to go."

"Well, uhh, thank you." Juliet said. The five of them walked out the doors and into the parking lot of the hospital.

"So… how'd it go?" Lassiter asked her when they got to the Blueberry and Lassie's Ford Fusion next to it.

"Fine, I mean, I was laying on a bed for an hour and a half trying not to move," Juliet said with a slight smile.

"So, what's the plan?" Shawn asked awkwardly cutting in.

"I need to eat- it's been like two hours!" Gus exclaimed.

"Well, Lassiter and I need to get back to work, we have a bit to finish on a couple of cases," Chief said. "O'Hara, you can just take the rest of the day off, and I will see you tomorrow."

"Sounds good Chief- see you." Juliet said as Lassiter and Chief started getting into Lassie's car.

"So, where do your taste buds lead you my dear?" Shawn asked Jules with a smile.

"Oh, I'm just along for the ride- I don't really care."

"Gus, take us away!" Shawn exclaimed hopping into the back seat next to Juliet and putting his arm around her shoulder.

* * *

After lunch, Shawn and Gus dropped Juliet off at her house. They had offered to let her tag along for the afternoon, but she said that she would rather go back to her house.

"Now what?" Shawn asked getting back into the car. "Should we go back to the Psych office?"

"No," Gus said turning out of Juliet's driveway, "We need to go talk to your dad."

"Why? What possibly makes you think that that would be a good idea?"

"Shawn, whether you want to accept it or not, your dad knows you better than anyone- even me." Gus looked over at Shawn and gave him a little smile. "I just think that it might be good for you to let him play therapist for a bit… it might really help you."

"Gus, don't be Dr. Phil's agent! I'll talk to my dad next time I see him- we don't need to go to his house for him to help me with my issues- which, by the way, I don't have." Shawn was in denial and he knew it, but what else could he do about it- give in? He had always had some sort of psychological upper hand in the world, but now, with something this… big. All he could think to do was wish it away.

"Whatever Shawn- just remember, he might be able to help you… he was an _actual_ cop at one time…"

"Can we just go to the Psych office- I heard Breakfast Club is on at 7."

"Shawn, it's 2:30 right now."

"Cool! We can nap! Side note- hospital beds are not the most comfortable things in the world."

"And the couch at the office is?"

"You know da's right."

* * *

**A/N:** Comments are much appreciated! Also- If anyone has ideas or suggestions, I would love to hear them and try to add them in!


	4. Chapter 4: Something Warm

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing- it is all from the marvelous minds of the Psych writers and other related peps!

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long to update, and for a short chapter, but this is a very important short chapter that fits nicely here! Enjoy!

* * *

_Focus O'Hara, focus! _ Juliet said to herself, momentarily letting her head fall to her hands- but not for too long- she didn't want to raise suspicion.

"They're going to have to find out eventually," Shawn had told her that morning when she had asked him not to tell anyone about _it._

"Aren't they going to find out when… you know…" Shawn hesitated looking for the right words, "you start… changing…" his voice had trailed off while his eyes flashed up to Juliet's head for just a moment.

She had tried not to notice, but she knew he was right- everyone was going to find out eventually whether the words confirming it actually came out of her mouth or not. "I know they will figure it out eventually, but why not put it off. You know, that way they won't have to worry about it for now, and I won't have to deal with so many people… looking…" her voice trailed off and she turned her head back to look at the road. She had no idea what she was saying. She couldn't think straight anymore. They said they would call in two to three days, four days ago.

Four days of being so worried she couldn't eat, sleep, focus on work, conversations, anything. She was so lost right now and she had no idea how to snap out of it. She did want to though. She didn't want to look like she was weak or anything was wrong. It was just a big tumor (probably) that had the potential to—

"O'Hara!" Chief called from the door of her office, pulling Juliet out of her daze and back to reality, "A word please."

Juliet stood up from her desk and walked over to the Chiefs office.

"Shut the door," Chief said as she pulled a big bag from under her desk.

"What is it?" Juliet said eyeing the bag.

"Did Shawn tell you about my sister?" the Chief said after a minute.

"Uh, Laura? Yeah, he mentioned her a little bit…" her voice trailed off.

"Well, when she was going through treatment, one of her friends gave her this," she pushed the bag across her desk and motioned for her to open it. Juliet slowly pulled out an oversized plaid red sweatshirt with a long row of bulky buttons down the middle out of the bag.

"What is this?" Juliet asked rubbing the soft fabric between her fingers.

"That is a chemo shirt,"

"A what?"

"A chemo shirt. It was passed down to Laura by a friend of ours whose wife had cancer, and it was given to her by a friend and so on."

Juliet was speechless. She just stared at the shirt. It looked warm and comforting- almost like a hug.

"Anyways, it has been passed on from survivor to survivor- 12 times now- you will be 13." Chief gave her a soft smile. "It gets really cold during treatment, you know, 'cause the chemo is room temperature so it makes you colder. The shirt really helped Laura and now it will help you."

"But… I might not even have cancer!" Juliet started talking fast. The shirt made it too real- too much like this might actually be happening to her, and now. "The doctor hasn't even called back with the results yet- it could just be false positive or something-"

"O'Hara," Chief cut her off. "Listen, I know you want to stop this from happening, but you can't- you can only accept it and become stronger."

Juliet wanted to add something else- ask her a stupid filler question that might possibly make her feel better, but she was cut off by the door flying open.

Standing at the door stood Shawn, holding Juliet's vibrating phone with the caller id from the hospital.

Juliet felt her heart stop beating and her stomach fall to the floor.

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you all liked it! Sorry it was shorter than my other ones! Comments are still greatly appreciated- they make me happy!

Also, I am leaving for camp for 2 weeks on Monday, so if the chapter doesn't come out by Sunday afternoon, just know that that is why, and I will try to get it up shortly after coming home!

Also, Also- This is sort of the first part of a two part chapter, but I thought breaking it up into 2 separate chapters flowed nicer...


	5. Chapter 5: On a Numb Heart

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Psych- other people do!

**A/N: **Yay! I got it up before I left! I am so happy! I hope you all enjoy it!

Also- There is a lot of sort of medical stuff in this chapter-

For medically smart people- Sorry if I said something stupid or illogical, I tried to do as much research as possible to make this realistic, but I know it's not perfect...

For everyone else- I tried to make it as simple as possible so it didn't turn into a boring chapter, but if you find anything that doesn't make sense or needs an explanation, I'd love to help out as needed...

* * *

Juliet stared at her food that night pushing it around with her fork. She had a strange feeling lingering in her stomach that she couldn't quite place. She was so relieved to not have to be waiting, worrying, any more, but now she knew what was wrong and she had a whole new thing to worry about- treatments and surgery and pills and everything else that goes with-

"Jules?" Shawn asked her from across the table cutting her off from her thoughts. "You ok?"

Juliet straightened herself up in her seat. "Uh… yeah… I'm fine."

"Juliet, I was there- I know what the doctor said- I was at the meeting."

"I know, but I'm ok- I'm going to be just fine."

"Come on," Shawn said with a slight grin. He grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the couch.

"Shawn," Juliet started to protest, but Shawn cut her off.

"Come here," Shawn said gently pulling her next to him on the couch. "Will you please talk to me?"

"Shawn, listen. I'm fine, really. I don't need any help. I'm going to be just fine."

"Ok, but will you promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"Will you please promise to talk to me and tell me if you need anything. I want to be able to help you, and I don't want you to have to do this alone."

"Ok, but really, I'm fine."

_I am fine… right?_ Juliet thought to herself later that night as she was cuddling next to Shawn in her bed. She thought back to the meeting she went to with Shawn to talk to her new doctor, Dr. Miles.

_"Well, Ms. O'Hara, might I just say that we were very lucky to find this when we did." He looked at her with a soft smile. "From your MRI, we were able to conclude that you definitely have breast cancer- type 3A."_

_Juliet sucked in her breath. That was it. She knew now. She felt Shawn squeeze her hand and she gratefully accepted something solid to hold on while everything else was spinning around her._

_"So… what does that mean?" Juliet said quietly._

_"Well, it is basically the best of the worst situation. Luckily, it means that it is still all contained, so even though it has infected the lymph nodes near the area, it hasn't spread to other parts of your body. It also means that the initial tumor is, in your case, is approximately 5cm in diameter."_

_Juliet felt like she was going to throw up. Too many words- facts making it real. Facts were usually good. At work they would help solve cases or lead to clues, but these facts were different. These facts made her want to hide, but she knew she couldn't. _

_"So, what's next?" Juliet tried to sound stable, like she was somehow ok._

_"Well, because of the size of tumor, we think that the best course of action would be for you to have chemo once a week and radiation once a month, then once the tumor gets small enough, we could perform a small lumpectomy. That would lead to the least amount of damage on your body, and it would be the fastest way to get rid of this."_

_Shawn didn't know what to say. He wanted to be helpful, but what could he do? He felt like a weight had just been dropped on his chest and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't fight for Juliet or somehow magically make it go away, all he could do was be there for her, but even that wouldn't make it go away. _

_"So, when would I… start?" Juliet said quietly. She didn't want to know, but she figured she would have to find out some time. _

_"Well, the faster we start, the sooner we finish… I was thinking it would be best to start either this week or next week."_

This week?_ Juliet thought to herself. Why was the world moving so fast? Not even a week ago at this time she was fine… ish. But she thought she was fine. _

_"Well, I have my days off on Thursday, so why not just start then…" Juliet tried to sound confident, but she was pretty certain that she didn't. Shawn was rubbing her hand in both of his. She felt them squeezing a bit tighter with each word that was being spoken, but she didn't mind. It made her feel safe._

_"Well, we are going to have to do a procedure to put your port in-"_

_"My port?" Juliet asked_

_"Yeah, basically it is the hole that can be accessed so that the chemo doesn't have such a negative and damaging effect on your veins. It makes it so that you don't have to worry as much about your veins, and you don't have to get as many shots and injections for putting the chemo in."_

_"How long would that take?" Juliet asked._

_"Well, the surgery really only takes about 45 minutes to an hour, so it is actually not that bad. We could do it on Wednesday after you get off of work… that way you wouldn't have to miss for it because it is really not that bad or serious, it is just more of a preparation thing."_

_"Ok, but I'm a cop- there aren't really set hours. How about around noon? That could just be my lunch."_

_"Jules," Shawn said, finally picking up his voice, "I don't think going back to work fifteen minutes after you have surgery is a good idea."_

_"I'm going to have to agree with Mr. Spencer- I would do it whenever you want your work day to be over- you can't go back to work after having surgery."_

_"Ok," Juliet said, her eyes shifting from Shawn to Dr. Miles. "I guess I'll see you on Wednesday at 5:30…"_

_"That sounds excellent. We'll see you then Ms. O'Hara." He stood up to shake her hand. She stood up as well. _

_"Thank you" Shawn said to him as they walked out and down the hall._

_"It's going to be ok." Juliet said out loud to herself as she followed Shawn to the hall. But she felt something new that she had never felt before. Numb._

She still had that feeling deep in her heart when she was pulled back to now by Shawn shifting his weight and waking up.

"You ok Jules?" He asked looking down at her. He had a deep concern in his eyes that was tearing her apart.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just, you know, thinking."

"Anything in particular?"

"Just that it is late and I really need to go to sleep." Juliet grinned up at him.

"Well, let me help you with that." Shawn said returning the smile. He readjusted himself next to her and kissed her on the top of the head.

"Good night Jules."

"'Night Shawn.

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you all liked it! I really want to make everyone happy! Talk to you all in soon after 2 weeks!

Also- Did you like my cleaver 2 part title thing? I was pretty proud of it!

Also, Also- Reviews are much appreciated! They make me smile!


	6. Chapter 6: Untold Understatements

**A/N:** Yay! New chapter! I hope you all enjoy it! Sorry it took me a little longer than I hoped, but this chapter is a bit long, so I hope it makes up for it!

Also- Thank you so much for all the nice reviews that were waiting for me when I got home from camp! They made me so happy! And, I would like to personally thank all the people who either commented as guests or don't get PMs. It means so much that you would take the time to read my story, and all your comments were so nice! Thank you!

And, to all my American friends- Happy 4th of July! I hope you have/ had a happy and safe holiday!

Enjoy!

* * *

_Time is a funny thing._ Shawn thought from the couch in the Psych Office_. _The last week had seemed to be dragging on for him and Juliet, but at the same time, now that it was Wednesday, 2 hours before Juliet's first surgery, time wouldn't slow down. He was so worried, he couldn't imagine being Juliet. But Juliet wouldn't show it. She just sat at her desk and worked, or sat at the table and poked at her food. Shawn didn't know how she was able to be so emotionless, and he didn't understand it either, but all he could do was wait for her to talk to him, because he didn't know any other way to get something like this out of her.

"Shawn!" Gus yelled walking into the office.

"Oh! Hey!" Shawn said sitting back up on the couch. "Will you take and bring me and Jules home from the hospital today?"

"Why?" Gus asked. "Doesn't Juliet have a car?"

"Yeah, but I don't know how to drive it."

"So getting a ride from me is the next option?"

"Yeah, pretty much! Glad you understand!" Shawn said starting to walk out the door.

"Wait! Shawn! I can take you, but I have my route so I can't bring you back."

"Dude, you still have that job?"

"Are you in jail from not paying your bills yet?"

"Good point! So, now what am I supposed to do?"

"Why don't you ask your dad?"

"No! Absolutely not!"

_15 minutes later…_

"Dad!" Shawn said running through Henry's front gate to meet him at his barbeque.

"Whatever you want Shawn; not gonna happen!"

"You haven't even heard what I was going to say!" Shawn said, "Besides, I don't _actually_ want something…"

"Really, well than what do you not actually want?"

"Could you possibly give me… and Jules… a ride from somewhere?"

"And where would that be?"

"Umm… the hospital…"

"Shawn!" Henry said taken a back. _What was going on here?_

"Listen… Jules sort of has cancer…"

"What!" Henry yelled. Why had he not heard about this? "Since when?!"

"Probably for a while Dad, it didn't just show up one day…"

"Shawn!"

"About a week…"

"Shawn! Why am I just hearing about this now!?"

"Juliet didn't want me to tell anyone," Shawn offered, knowing it still wouldn't be the answer his dad would be looking for.

"Well, now that I know, you want to tell me what is actually going on?"

"Listen! I don't know ok! She has type 3A breast cancer- whatever the hell that means, and this afternoon she has her port surgery- whatever the hell that is, and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do! Will you just take us home from the hospital around 6:15?!" Shawn was yelling, but he didn't care. He had been keeping it all bottled up for the past week, and he really needed to get it out, even if it did cause random people to stare at him from the path.

Henry sat down on the deck chair and rubbed his hand over his head. "Okay, I'll take you," Shawn started running out to his motorcycle. "Shawn! This conversation is not over!" Henry yelled behind him, even though he knew there was really no point.

* * *

"Do you mind!" Lassiter snapped, then pulled back when he saw it was Juliet standing over his desk. He had been really stressed, and more irritable than usual the last few days.

"Sorry…" Juliet said a bit quieter than usual. Lassiter stared at her. She looked so young, small in a big world, almost like she had when they had first met. It was crazy to think how far they had come in 6 years, but in that moment, he was taken back in time.

"Umm, I need to talk to you, in Chief's office."

"Right now?"

"Kinda, yeah…" Juliet headed towards Chief's office without saying another word.

Lassiter watched her walk away, but he couldn't make himself get up. He knew exactly what she was going to tell them, and he didn't want to know. _Pull it together!_ He thought to himself. It was just cancer… those words don't belong together in a sentence.

_It will all be fine. _Lassiter half-heartedly concluded as he got up to walk to Chief's closed doors.

When he got there, he saw Chief sitting at her desk with her hands clenched in front of her, and Juliet standing next to her desk. Lassiter sat on the empty chair next to her, and slipped a look to Chief. She softly shook her head and looked up to Juliet.

"Um, so, uh…" Juliet stuttered trying to find the right words. "I just thought you two have the right to know that… well, I do have cancer." Her voice trailed off and she looked over at Chief and Lassiter for some sort of expression.

"Do you know what kind?" Chief asked looking back at Lassiter who was just sitting there with his eyes fixed on nothing.

"Well, it's actually not that bad! It hasn't spread anywhere, and it won't be that hard to get rid of, and…"

"O'Hara" Chief said cutting her off.

"3A" Juliet said quietly, looking back down at her feet.

"3A?" Chief asked. That was only _a little_ better than what Laura had, and it was also sort of a big deal- at least bigger that Juliet was making it seem. Lassiter looked up at Chief waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Anyways," Juliet cut in before Chief could help her. She would leave that for when she was not around. "I just needed to tell you that, and um, can I have the rest of the day off?"

"I guess so, I mean, you finished all you work, but might I ask why?" Chief said with her eyes on Lassiter. He was probably one of the hardest to read detectives she had ever worked with, which was especially hard in moments like these when she needed some sort of notion that he was okay.

"I have my port surgery today, at 5:30, and I start chemo tomorrow" Juliet practically whispered the last part. She hadn't actually said those words out loud yet, and they were not words she wanted to say often.

"Oh! Umm, yeah, you're excused detective." Chief said, trying to keep her voice stable after that little piece of information. "See you on Friday, but I don't want to see you until at least 11."

"Why?" Juliet asked, taken a back.

"Because chemo really wipes you out, and you will be tired." Chief started to drift back to Laura's first session, but quickly snapped out of it. She did not want to think about that right now.

"No-" Juliet started to protest, but Chief cut her off.

"Detective," Chief warned with a sternness Juliet had never really seen before.

"I will see you at 10 sharp," Juliet said, still trying to hold on to a fading hope that chemo wasn't actually a big deal.

"You are excused," Chief said knowing she would no longer be able to reason with her detective.

"Thank you. I'll see you Friday." Juliet said and quickly walked out the door, leaving Chief staring at the door, and Lassiter staring at her, both looking like they would pass out.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you liked it! I'd love to hear what you thought (*hint *hint)!

P.S. I just planed out my next 10ish chapters, so hopefully there won't be huge gaps in between updates- at least for a while!


	7. Chapter 7: Plus One

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Psych- That is Steve Frank's job.

**A/N:** I am so sorry it has been so long! I was having so much trouble smoothing out all the kinks with this chapter, then I turned around and it has almost been 2 weeks! Sorry about that!

I would also like to thank everyone who has been reading my story and posting comments! They are all so helpful for moving forward with this story!

Again, this is one of the more medical chapters, but I'm not a professional, so I'm sorry if it was not complacently accurate... I tried as hard as I could!

* * *

"Jules?" Shawn asked. They were sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office at 5:45 that afternoon.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Of course I am!" Juliet said trying to sound sure of herself, "Why would you ask that?"

"Because sweetheart, you are cutting off the circulation to my hand." Shawn said smiling down at her. She had carefully positioned herself leaning against Shawn's shoulder with their hands intertwined 20 minutes ago when they arrived, but with each passing minute, Juliet's grip got tighter around Shawn's hand- and it was starting to go numb.

"Sorry!" Juliet exclaimed, immediately loosening her grip so her hand was just resting on top of Shawn's.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Of course! I'm fine! I'm just… anxious to get this over with." Juliet said defiantly.

Shawn was about to say something more to argue, but he was cut off by the nurse.

"Juliet O'Hara?" She asked looking down at her clip board.

Juliet looked up. "That's me."

"Right this way," the nurse said with a polite smile.

Juliet stood up to follow the nurse, but Shawn held on to her hand for a second longer.

"Shawn, I'm fine- I promise." She let her head slip out of Shawn's as she turned to follow the nurse down the hall.

She felt her energy draining out of her as she walked slowly down the hallway into a little room. Her stomach turned over inside of her when she saw a white hospital gown folded neatly on the bed. And she swore that she could feel her heart hit the floor as she started to change into it.

There were several things that she had been avoiding telling Shawn in the past couple days, and one of them happened to be very pertinent to the current situation. She had never had surgery, or even gotten stiches before. She had gotten hurt and had to go to the hospital a few times- like the time she almost got Thornburg, or when she broke her leg when she was 7, but she had never gotten any type of surgery before, and she was scared. The last week had been near torture knowing what it was going to end with.

She was sure she was actually shaking when she slowly inched down to a laying position on the hospital bed. She couldn't help it. She wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from the world right now, but she knew she couldn't. _Don't show emotion- don't let it win._

The nurse came back in to take her blood pressure, then put in her IV which was apparently not as easy as it should have been. After poking her right arm 4 times, he was finally able to get it to go in her left arm on the second try.

_I'm fine, right?_ Juliet asked herself carefully rubbing her hands together. She was undeniably colder than when she first arrived. _I am going to get this surgery which they have done a million times, and come out fine. It's not even surgery, surgery. It's a procedure... _But Juliet still couldn't help breathing a little heavier when the doctor came in to take her to the operating room.

* * *

Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock

Shawn stared at the red second hand dragging along the rim of the clock on the opposite wall of the waiting room. He never knew how slow a second actually was. It seemed to take a couple of minutes for the red hand to even move three spaces. It had only been 40 minutes, and the surgery could take up to an hour. At least, that was Dr. Miles had told them the other day at the meeting, not that he had really heard anything. Shawn had no idea how Juliet had been able to take in all the information that had been thrown at them. Shawn had barely caught all of it, and it wasn't even for him.

Shawn was pulled out of his thoughts by the waiting room door sliding open.

"Dad?" Shawn asked, surprised to see his dad walking over to sit across from him in one of the chairs.

"I told you that conversation was not over, and I intend to finish it with you before I take you home." Henry said, cutting right to the chase. He was not in the mood for small talk of any kind.

"What do you want me to say?" Shawn asked looking down in his feet.

"I don't know. Maybe you might want to tell me about why you snapped in my front yard this morning- that would be a good place to start." Henry stated matter-of-factly, looking right into Shawn's downturned eyes.

"I just… I guess… I don't know what to do, or how to react! I mean, Juliet is acting so collected through all of this! She won't let emotions of any kind show on her face, and she won't talk to me about being scared or nervous, or anything! She has for some reason set it in her mind that she won't let me help, and it's really scaring me!"

"What do you mean- not showing emotion?" Henry asked.

"I mean literally not showing anything- she won't talk to me about what she is thinking about or how she feels. She won't tell me if she is scared or what- she just keeps saying I'm fine and moving on like nothing happened."

"You have to remember that Juliet is a cop, so she has most likely trained herself to not show emotions, even with personal matters- that's just the way cops tend to wire themselves." Henry had known that many of his coworkers on the force, and even himself had done this in order to not seem weak in front of a perp.

"I know, but it is just frustrating! I feel like if she isn't scared when this is actually happening to her, then what right do I have to be scared, when I am just the bystander?"

"You have all the right to be scared, but maybe when you are with Juliet, instead of asking how she is doing, simply try to show her that you care for her and are there for her."

"But how?" Shawn asked. He had never actually taken care of someone else before- he barely took care of himself most of the time!"

"Like… driving arrangements- are you really just going to hitch a ride from me or Gus every time Juliet has a doctor's appointment? Or sleeping- where do you live right now?" Henry asked. He knew that he was throwing a lot onto his commitment-phobic son, but Shawn needed to think about it now- these were special circumstances.

"Well, technically I live at my apartment… but I have been sleeping at Juliet's place most of the time now…"

"Shawn Spencer?" A nurse called into the empty room, leaving Shawn's unfinished sentence hanging in the air.

"Yes?" Shawn asked, standing up.

"Ms. O'Hara is done- you may come back and see her now."

Shawn quickly walked behind the nurse down the hall, then darted into the recovery room where the nurse had stopped. When he saw Juliet on the bed, his heart stopped. She looked so… lifeless. She lay still on the bed looking out the window. Her eyes were turned down and she was taking slow breaths that were barely moving her chest. Shawn could see the corner of a huge bandage peeking out of the right side of her gown, surrounded by a light orange paint, and her hands lay limp by her side, facing down. He was having flashbacks to the week before when he had seen her in the same position, but nothing was wrong… yet.

Juliet turned her head at the footsteps, and forced a confident smile when she saw Shawn running to be next to her in her bed.

"Everything went excellently." The nurse said smiling at the two. "It took less time that we had expected, and everything is all set for tomorrow. Here is a list of things that you need for tomorrow, and we will see you then," She handed Shawn a piece of paper and walked out of the room leaving the two alone.

"Are you sore, sweetheart?" Shawn asked Juliet, stroking her hair.

"No- they numbed it so I can't feel it at all." She said smiling up at him.

"Okay, well let's get you dressed, and my chauffeur is here to take us to your home." Shawn winked at her and picked up her clothes from the pile next to her bed.

Juliet looked so weak when she carefully sat up to get changed. Shawn pulled a loose t-shirt he had gotten her for her birthday over her head, then helped her put on some of her running shorts.

With Shawn's arm around Juliet's waist, the two slowly walked out of the recovery room to meet Henry in the parking lot. Henry, who was leaning on the truck when they approached, jumped up to open the passenger door.

"Juliet," he smiled warmly. "How are you feeling?" Immediately at the sight of Henry Juliet tried to look less weak and straightened up.

"I'm fine Henry, thank you for doing this," she nodded at him as Shawn helped her slide into middle. As Henry climbed into the front seat and Shawn in the back, they shared a knowing glance before Shawn gave Jules a reassuring pat on the knee and Henry brought them home.

* * *

"Juliet?" Shawn asked her softly, pulling her out from her quiet daze. She had nearly fallen asleep into her food, but she shook herself to wake back up.

"Mmhm?" Juliet murmured. She might not have been sore before, but she was definitely sore now. She had no idea that that was what surgery would do to you.

"You need to eat something sweetheart. I don't want you to be sick before your first day…" His voice trailed off, and he looked sideways at Juliet sitting next to him at the table. He knew she hurt. He knew she was sore. Just by looking at her he could tell how much she was dreading the next day. But why didn't she let it show? She just sat there, eyeing her food, pretending like nothing unusual had happened- just a busy day at work.

"I'm really not that hungry right now… just tired," She tried to perk up, but she knew she wasn't fooling anyone. Besides, right now, she didn't have the energy to perk up.

"Just… just take a couple of bites- I really don't want you to go to sleep on an empty stomach." Shawn looked at her and realized there was something he needed to do. He had been thinking about it for a while- since the case when he had drunk called her in the middle of the night and asked, but in that moment, seeing her struggling to function without a friendly reminder, he knew now was the time. _If I don't do this now, what is going to happen?_ Shawn wondered to himself after seeing Juliet finally put a small bite of plain pasta to her mouth. _She needs help, and I need to help her._

"What are you doing?" Juliet asked when Shawn stood up from the table a few seconds later, then grabbed her hand and pulled her from the kitchen table to the couch.

"Just trust me." He sat down on one side of the couch, then carefully helped ease Juliet to sit in front of him, her head leaning on his chest.

"I like the way we fit Jules" Shawn said to Juliet, looking down into her hair.

"What?" Juliet asked. She craned her neck so that she was looking at him in the eyes.

"I think it's time that we move in together." Shawn said. He looked at her and gave her a half smile.

"That doesn't scare you?" Juliet asked, thinking back to the last time he asked her to move in with her.

"I've thought about it, believe me, but right now, there is no place in the world I would rather be than in this house, with you. I want to be there for whenever you need me, and I think that this is the perfect spot for me to do that for you."

"You're sure about this?"

"The Gaelic, Scottish, and even the Yiddish version of me are sure!" Shawn smiled at her rubbing her arm.

"The Yiddish?" Juliet asked laughing.

"Don't mock the Yiddish Jules- they're very sensitive!"

"I'm not mocking them!" Juliet protested. She was so glad just to have this lighthearted moment in the midst of an ever changing, way too serious world.

"So, how 'bout it?" Shawn asked her, pulling them both back to reality. "Will you move in with me?"

"Of course I will!" Juliet said smiling. This felt right- like it was meant to be.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you like it! I would love to hear what you thought!

Also- The next chapter is going to be very... complex to write, so I'm sorry if it takes a while, but I will try as hard as I can to get it up fast!

Also- I have to give a HUGE thank you/ shout out to LyssLovesTiva33. She has helped me so much with this story, and she is an amazing writer! You should all read her fic- Daddy's Little Girl! It is really good!


	8. Chapter 8: Uncharted Territory

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Psych-That's for someone else's job!

**A/N: **I am SOOOOOOOOO sorry about how long it took me to write this chapter, but I have a ton going on right now, and it was a really hard chapter for me to write... I'm not quite sure how it turned out, but the rest of the chapter are definitely going to be a lot more interesting and everything... this chapter was just so that I could do more emotional stuff from here on out, because this one had a good majority of the technical stuff. Anyways, I still hope you enjoy! And, because this chapter took so long, I made it extra long!

A big thank you for all the support I am getting with this story! It is really helping me move forward!

Also, as sort of before mentioned, this chapter is very medically, so sorry if there are some technical flaws- I did a bunch of research though, so I hope it is pretty accurate!

* * *

"Jules," Shawn said, softly shaking Juliet awake. He knew she hadn't slept well- all night he felt her tossing and turning, the movements slow and calculated that he could tell she was in pain. He opened up the curtain to let the light fill up dark room. "Juliet," he tried again a little louder.

"Mmhm?" Juliet muttered turning over, then wincing with pain of the action. She was obviously still sore.

"Are you alright sweetheart?" Shawn asked concerned.

"I'm fine," she murmured, voice still groggy from sleep. He didn't believe it for a second and he knew that as today carried on, it wouldn't get any better.

"Jules, we have to go in an hour, and you need to eat something." Shawn said to her. After opening the curtain he had sat next to her on the bed and started stroking her hair. He was exhausted too. He had stayed up the better part of the night looking online for anything that might give him some sort of information on what to expect. He read all about side effects, schedules, what to bring, what to eat… he knew more about breast cancer and chemotherapy than he ever thought he would.

"Ok," Juliet said, slowly sitting up and rotating so her legs were dangling off the side of the bed next to Shawn's. "Just give me a minute to get ready."

"Do you need any help?" Shawn asked, jumping up when Juliet started to stand up.

"No, I'm fine Shawn." Juliet said.

"Are you sure?"

"Shawn." He knew she would take more than a minute so Shawn headed to the kitchen to take care of his girl.

It was 15 minutes later, when Juliet finally walked into the kitchen wearing a thin, blue, long sleeve shirt and jeans. She was greeted with a table of oatmeal and berries, as well as juice, and about 10 bottles of water lined up on the counter.

"Shawn?" Juliet asked, taken aback by the display, "Did you do all this?"

"Just a little something in preparation for milady's, big day!" Shawn said with a smile, pulling out a chair for her.

"Oh! You didn't have to do that! I could have made my own breakfast." Juliet said, gratefully taking a seat and waiting for Shawn to sit down at his spot next to her.

"Of course I did!" Shawn said. "Today is a big day for you, and I am going to make it as easy as possible."

"Well, thank you." Juliet said. She quietly started eating small bites while Shawn talked about what he had read the night before and what was in the packet about what to expect that they had given her yesterday.

Juliet couldn't help but smile at Shawn. He was taking such good care of her- making sure she was comfortable and making her breakfast (even though it was just that insta-hot stuff, it was still sweet).

"Nausea, fatigue, vomiting, appetite changes, weight change, hair loss…"

"Shawn," Juliet said, cutting him off. She had to stop him from continuing with the list of side effects that he had obviously been reading. She was not ready to think about that yet. Like, actually think about them in a real way. She couldn't deal with the thought of all these potentials right now. "When did you have time to do all this?"

"I woke up early this morning to get ready!" Shawn said with a proud smile.

"You?" Juliet said with a little half-laugh, "Woke up early?"

"Yeah!" Shawn said. "Why does that surprise you so much?"

"When have you ever done something early?"

"I've done something early before!" Shawn protested.

"Name one."

"Uhh… well, there was that one time..."

"Right," she smirked before her tone changed seriously. "Well, we should go, shouldn't we?" Juliet asked changing the subject. Not that she actually wanted to go, but the not knowing was killing her. She was usually okay with waiting, like she could make it through waiting for a stake out just fine, but this was different. This was concerning her, and she was so anxious about it- she had stayed up practically all night tossing and turning, waiting for the sun to shine through the window.

"But you barely ate anything." Shawn said motioning to her _almost_ half eaten bowl.

"I'm not really that hungry."

"Will you please eat just a few more bites? For me?"

"Shawn, I'm a grown woman. I think I can take care of myself." Juliet said, but she still put two more small bites in her mouth before getting up from the table.

"Come on," Shawn said, clearing the table and picking the bag up from the counter.

"How are we going to get there?" Juliet said. "You hate driving my car."

"I'll figure it out."

* * *

"You have no problem driving Gus' car!" Juliet said with a laugh when Shawn finally got them into the hospital parking lot safely. "Why do you have so much trouble with mine?"

"Jules, you have a VW Beetle- I would hardly consider that a real car." Shawn said.

"Right. And Gus' Blueberry is?"

"Yes."

Hand in hand, the two made their way to the infusion center to check in. When they opened the door to the waiting room, cold air rushed over them making Juliet's heart skip a beat. She subconsciously started walking slower, and her grip on Shawn's hand tightened. This was it. It was real, and it was really going to happen. She had been able to sort of distract herself through small talk with Shawn all morning, but now that they were actually there, there was no denying what was about to happen, and honestly, it was scaring the crap out of her. _Don't show emotion, O'Hara. You are fine. _Juliet said to herself, regaining her step and walking up to the secretary behind a counter.

"Name?" The secretary named Amy said to her with a bright smile.

"Juliet O'Hara."

"Oh! You are a bit early, but I will tell them you are here and we will get you moving shortly." Amy said to her, motioning slightly to some chairs pushed against a wall.

"See," Shawn said walking to sit down, "Told you I have been early."

"Yep," Juliet said, "That was all you."

"Ms. O'Hara?" A nurse said not even 2 minutes later.

"That's me." Juliet said, her and Shawn standing up to walk over.

"My name is Anna, and I am going to be helping you out today." She said, shaking Juliet's hand, followed by Shawn's. She led them into a big room with a bunch of huge chairs set up. There were women set up in the chairs spaced out around their room. They were working on their computer, talking to their friends, reading, anything that seemed to be passing the time for them.

"You are going to be set up right here," Anna said, "So you can put your bag down right here for now, then we are going to come over here to take your height and weight, as well as a couple other tests."

From what Juliet could tell during the many tests, she was fine.

Height: 5'6"; Weight: 114 lbs.; Blood Pressure: 95/54; Temperature: 98.6…

"Well, looks like you are all set," Anna said looking through some papers on her clipboard after finishing the blood test. "And you got a port put in yesterday, so we don't have to give you an IV…"

Juliet felt like a little kid. She didn't know what to do, so she just held Shawn's hand who was walking close beside her the entire time. It was so hard to believe that in a matter of weeks, she was going to get used to this. Pretty soon she was going to be able to walk in here and know exactly what she was supposed to do and where she was supposed to go, and what was going to happen next. But as for right now, she was lost.

Juliet was now situated in the huge chair with Shawn next to her on a littler one. Their hands were still tightly intertwined, the anticipation causing them to squeeze each other's hands even tighter.

"Ok," Anna said. "So basically we are just going to put this tube into your port, then you will get the medications through that so you don't have to do anything." She gave a smile as she walked away to a cabinet to get something.

"How you doing?" Shawn asked Juliet.

"Oh, I'm fine," Juliet said with a smile. She could tell that Shawn was overwhelmed by the whole thing. He was staring at everything, and he had barely blinked in the last five minutes.

"Are you sure?" Shawn persisted, trying to get an answer he could work with.

"Shawn, I promise, everything is fine. All they have done so far is give me a few tests- I'm really ok."

Shawn was about to say something else, but Anna came back with a tube connected to a small syringe, and a stand with two bags of drugs hanging on it.

"So… what is that?" Juliet asked, trying her best to sound casual.

If the nurse said something in English, Juliet didn't hear it.

"Um, what?" Shawn asked Anna with a knowing nod at the confused look Juliet realized she had on her face.

"The syringe is to prepare your veins for the chemo, this first bag her is some medications given to help with side effects and stabilize your temperature and blood pressure throughout the drip, and this second bag here is the actual chemotherapy."

Shawn and Juliet just stared at the third bag for the next five minutes while Juliet got poked with needles and fluids started running into the tiny clear tube looping to her chest. She stiffened as she swore she felt something cold hit her veins and suddenly spread throughout her body.

"If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask," Anna reassured patting the hand that was not secured in Shawn's. "The chemotherapy is room temperature, it will probably make your body heat drop. Since this is your first time we have it on a slow drip that will last approximately 3 hours." All of a sudden she was gone, and she and Shawn were alone.

_I am fine. This isn't even that bad! _Juliet thought to herself. _It doesn't hurt, it is just um… uncomfortable. Yeah, that's the word… uncomfortable._

* * *

"How you doing?" Shawn asked for the 17th time in the last 5 minutes.

"Shawn."

"Just let me do something to help you! I feel like I am just sitting here!"

"Shawn I am fine."

"Please stop saying that Jules." It had been only about 20 minutes since it began and she could tell he was already getting antsy.

"Well, I am sort of chilly. You know what the nurse said about it being room temperature," for added effect she shivered and looked both concerned and eager to help.

"Oh! I can fix that!" Shawn said, practically jumping out of his seat. "I need to go get something in the car! I'll be right back!"

He ran off leaving Juliet awkwardly sitting alone in her seat with tubes running out of her chest among other women in the same situation.

"Is this your first time?" A woman sitting in the big chair a few feet away from her asked.

"Uh, yeah. How'd you know?" Juliet asked.

"Because you and your friend are walking around like a deer in headlights." The woman said, smiling as Juliet blushed. "It's ok. We've all been there at some point or another."

"Does it get any easier?" Juliet asked. She knew the answer, but she just needed to hear someone say it.

"Yeah. Before you know it, you'll be a pro. You'll know what you are doing, and people will even know who you are." The woman said sticking her hand out. "Holli."

"Juliet."

"Very nice to meet you." Holli said smiling at her.

"Nice to meet you." Juliet wanted to ask her more questions, but she couldn't think of anything. Holli knew what to expect. She had been there many times before it seems, and Juliet felt like just talking to her would maybe make her feel better. She was about to say something else when she saw Shawn come running back through the doors carrying a huge bag.

"What is that?" Juliet asked him, laughing. It was in one of her big pink shopping bags from home, and Shawn looked absolutely ridiculous carrying it.

"It's your chemo bag!" Shawn said sitting back down and placing the bag at her feet. "I packed a bunch of stuff for you to do to pass the time. And, I brought your sweatshirt from Chief."

"Shawn, I must say I am very impressed." Juliet smiled at him as he carefully draped the sweatshirt over her.

"Is that better sweetheart?" Shawn asked, tucking it around her and rubbing her arms to warm her up as well.

"Yes, much." Juliet said. She smiled at him as he proceeded to show her everything else in the bag.

* * *

The rest of chemo had gone smoothly that afternoon. Shawn and Juliet played a few card games until Shawn lost too many times. Then they watched two episodes of The Mentalist.

"We're home sweetheart," Shawn said softly to Juliet, who had fallen asleep on the way home. He was surprised- Juliet had never been one for taking naps. In fact, in the almost 7 years that Shawn had known her, he was pretty sure she had never taken a nap.

"What?" Juliet said, straightening up in her seat. "Oh right. Ok." Shawn observed that her movements were sluggish so he knew he had just enough time to speed out of his door and around to hers before she even had the chance to open it.

Arm around her waist hey slowly walked inside, and Shawn lead Juliet straight to the couch. He carefully set her up with pillows and a blanket, then went to the kitchen to find a spot for the around 20 different orange bottles of pills that they had been given with names that only Gus could have read. There was a whole list of them with when to take them and how much.

"Hey Jules," Shawn said looking through the fridge, "What do you want to eat?" No answer. "Jules?"

"Huh?" her muffled voice sounded through the living room. "What Shawn?"

"The packets said it was important for you to eat, no matter how sick you feel."

"Oh, I'm really tired Shawn, you can just make something for yourself."

"Jules, will you please eat something." Shawn said. He was starting to get worried about Juliet. One day in and she was barely taking care of herself properly, and it was scaring him. It was frustrating to him that she was trying to act like nothing was wrong, which there was something big wrong, and he was really starting to get afraid for when she broke. He was an expert on hiding emotions, and he didn't want Juliet to lose it like he had in the past.

"I'll just have some toast then." She said quietly. Shawn shook his head, it was hardly the kind of food he was talking about, but he obliged, because he knew she would eat nothing else. He set it up on a tray with some jam and a glass of water to keep her hydrated before returning to the living room.

He wasn't even surprised when he found her out cold, face buried into the pillow. Without another word he set the tray down and ran his hands through his hair before lifting her gently and sitting down so her head was in his lap.

_"Nausea, fatigue, vomiting, appetite changes, weight change, hair loss…"_

His own words repeated in his head before he took his girlfriend in. Right now she looked like Jules, just tired, but who knows what she would look like in a few weeks; so while he still had the chance, he rhythmically stroked her hair lulling her into a deeper sleep.

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed it! I would love to hear what you thought!

Also, I'm really excited about the story from here on out! I think you all are going to like where it goes!

Shameless Advertisement: You should all read Daddy's Little Girl by LyssLovesTive33 if you haven't already! It is so good and really interesting!


	9. Chapter 9: Recurrences

**Disclaimer: **Psych is not mine.

**A/N: **Hello my lovely readers! I am so so so sorry (again) for the late chapter- I know, I know, I am terrible at writing and posting chapters quickly, but with school starting I am starting to get into a chapter so they will hopefully come out more regularly! Also, I did have this chapter written 5 days ago, but the internet in my house has not been working until today, so I was just able to get the chapter up! Sorry!

P.S. I hope you all enjoy the chapter- I am really excited about it because now there is more interaction and development and less medical! Anyways... Enjoy!

* * *

Be-Be-Bu-Bu-Be-Be-Bu Be-Be-Bu-Bu-Be-Be-Bu

Juliet woke up from her nearly unbroken sleep to the sound of her cell phone ringing in the other room. She had woken up once around three am though- she had had to throw up. She had been so nauseous she couldn't hold it in anymore. Luckily, Shawn had been asleep, so she didn't need to worry about hiding from him seeing, which had been good. She didn't want him to see her throw up- not yet at least. But wait, she had been in her bed when she fell asleep, but she had definitely fallen asleep on the couch…

Her thoughts were cut off by Shawn coming into her. Wait a second… Shawn. She smiled to herself after realizing how she had gotten into her bed the night before.

He sat down on the bed next to her and held out her ringing phone. Restricted number.

Juliet immediately grabbed the phone and pressed, well more like punched, the accept button.

"Hey Little Sis!" Juliet heard echoing through the line before Juliet could throw a word in.

"Ewan?" Juliet asked. _Why is he calling? The last time I talked to him was, well, it was the night I arrested him. When he was supposed to go to jail. But he's not in jail. I arrested him, and he's not in jail._

"How'd you know?" Ewan asked playfully, trying to keep the conversation light.

"Ewan, where are you?" Juliet could feel herself getting frustrated, just by hearing him talk like nothing had ever happened.

"C'mon Little Sis. You know I can't tell you where I am." Ewan said, "Although I do have a question that I hope you can answer."

"Fine,"

"Do you mind filling me in on why it is that you have had an X-Ray, MRI, Port placement surgery, and a chemotherapy treatment in the last 2 weeks?"

Juliet's heart skipped a beat. "How do you know that?" She asked trying to steady her heart beat again.

"Juliet," Ewan said softly, ignoring the question, "What is going on?"

"Listen to me," Juliet said sternly, talking faster with each word, "Lassiter and I were in a car accident, and the air bag went off an I couldn't breathe, so they took an X-ray and there was a big tumor in my chest, and now I have to have chemotherapy once a week, but it's fine and I'm fine and it's not a big deal," Juliet said, finally slowing down to take a breath, but before Ewan could talk, she started up again. "Listen to me Ewan. I'm fine and everything is going to be ok, but for right now you have to swear on your life that you will not tell Mom or Frank or Lloyd or anyone else okay?"

"Juliet," Ewan said, with the hint of concern and sympathy that Juliet had heard too many times in the past few weeks. "How bad is it?"

"Umm," Juliet hesitating for a moment, trying to decide between lying or just telling him what was really wrong, and having to deal with him telling her what to do, "Umm, 3A…" her voice trailed off.

"Juliet." Ewan said, about to tell her it was bad and she needed to tell her parents, and everything else she really did not want to hear.

"I'm fine!" Juliet cut in. "I'll talk to you soon! Good bye."

She hung up the phone and walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where Shawn was again sitting with breakfast set up.

"Who was that?" He asked, concerned by the way that Juliet had dropped into the seat next to him.

"My brother," Juliet said, flatly, "Eat fast- I want to get to the station early."

"Jules, Chief didn't want you to come in until 10, and it's 8:45 now."

"I know, but I really need to get into work," Juliet said, "Please?"

"Ok, I will take you in early, but you need to eat first- I don't want you to pass out or something."

Quickly (a little too quickly) Juliet ate some of the toast and fruit that Shawn had prepared. She really needed to get into work. She had to find out how Ewan found out. He was not supposed to know. She did not want someone who could possible tell other people to know. Not yet at least- she was still fine.

Juliet jumped up and started to storm around getting ready.

"Jules!" Shawn said, grabbing her hand to slow her down, "Sweetheart, what's the matter?"

"Nothing- I am mad a Ewan," Juliet said matter of factly

"For what he did last time?"

"He was supposed to go to jail, and he didn't" Juliet was getting frustrated.

"Jules, you can't control him. He has his own job too, and order to take care of, or whatever they do in the army."

"Can we just go?" Juliet asked. She really needed to sit down. Her stomach had started turning a few minutes ago, and throwing up right now was not really an option- not while Shawn was around.

* * *

"O'Hara!" Lassiter said, slightly confused, glancing from his watch which said 9:10 to Juliet who was making a bee line for his desk.

"What, um, how'd it go…" Lassiter fumbled stupidly on his words until Juliet cut him off.

"Listen, Ewan called me this morning, and he knew about the whole thing" Juliet cut right to the point. Small talk was never Lassiter's thing, and Juliet was not in the mood to try and work around it.

"Wait, Ewan as in… what's wrong with him umm, knowing about…?" Lassiter trailed off waiting for his partner to throw her words in, which she quickly did.

"I didn't tell him, and now he knows, and I need to know how! He might tell my parents or something!" Juliet said.

"Wait a second, you haven't told your parents yet?" Lassiter asked. He looked concerned.

"No, because it's not a big deal and I'm-"Juliet started to say yet again that day. She didn't know why that had suddenly become the sentence that was echoing in her head, but saying it made her feel better, so she kept on telling other people. Maybe they would believe her, 'cause she didn't.

"O'Hara?" Chief called to her from her office, cutting Juliet off, "My office, now."

Juliet turned around and slowly walked to Chief's office.

"Shut the door please," Chief said sitting down, motioning to Juliet to do the same. Juliet gratefully accepted, remembering again how nauseous she was at the moment. And on top of that, she felt like she was going to overheat in the long sleeve shirt that she had put on that morning in attempt to cover up any physical evidence of yesterdays… outing.

"I told you not to come in until 11." Chief said, with something stern, yet soft at the same time floating in her eyes.

"I thought we agreed on 10."

"Yet it is still 9:15."

"I wasn't tired."

"Juliet, you need to listen to your body."

"My _body_ said that I needed to come into work." Juliet said, stubbornly crossing her arms over her turning stomach.

"You are going to wear yourself out."

"I'm not. Right now I am perfectly fine and perfectly ready to come into work and do my job."

"Listen to me Juliet. You can't keep doing this- you are going to snap or hurt yourself, and I don't want to see that happen." Chief said with a steady gaze over Juliet.

"I won't-"Juliet said.

"Okay, but just keep that in mind." Chief said. "Anyways, that is not the reason I initially wanted to talk to you."

"Ok…" Juliet said quietly.

"I just wanted to tell you that I know what you are going through can be very difficult, and I just wanted to let you know that I am always here if you need any help with anything."

"You don't have to-"

"I know that conversations in the past have led us to just be coworkers, but I am here to help you if you need anything."

Juliet sat quietly, not knowing what to say.

"That is all, you are excused"

Juliet nodded and slowly walked out. She needed to get to a bathroom- quick. She looked around to make sure no one was watching her too closely, then calmly walked down the hall and into the bathroom, which thankfully was empty.

Not 2 seconds later, Juliet was hunched over the toilet bowl, discarding that morning's breakfast, and maybe a little bit more.

As she held back her hair, she suddenly found herself back in 4th grade.

_"Juliet, you are not going to school today!" Juliet's mother said to her when she saw her daughter dressed and ready with her backpack._

_"Mom, I'm fine- I don't even feel sick!" Juliet said to her mother, even though she already felt as though she might throw up again. She had spent the better part of the night throwing up, and around 2:30, she had eventually just fallen asleep on the bathroom floor._

_"You're not going to give in, are you?" Her mom said crossing her arms. She had no idea where her daughter had gotten so much independence- it certainly hadn't been from anyone on her side of the family._

_"What do you think?" Juliet said back, mirroring her mother's crossed arms and tilted head._

_But when she got to school, she wished she had given in. 20 minutes into the day, in the middle of a test, Juliet couldn't take it anymore. She ran to the bathroom off the classroom held her hair back and puked her guts out, the whole classroom laughing behind her._

She did not want to have to deal with that humiliation again.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you liked it! I would love to hear what you thought!

Also- Huge Huge Huge props and thank you's to LyssLovesTiva33 for the SWEET new cover! Do you like it? Speaking of her, you should also read Daddy's Little Girl- her amazing fic!


End file.
